Chinese In North America(北美华人e网)

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101#

I kept deleting my post. Those are all the things that should never happen to anyone in this world. My memory is so painful and it hunted me for so long.

In a few days, I will have my 40 year birthday. I never have any expectation for my birthday, no need for celebration, no need for gift. But I never never never never never expect my 40 year birthday will be like this.

My daughter, except gender, is just like a copy of me. She never expect anything from other person. Every little thing you did for her, she is so thankful. I travelled around the world many times a year which I hate. Many of my colleagues running around buying gift for their kids because otherwise their kids will not be happy. My daughter never asked me for anything. A few days ago, when I was FaceTiming with my daughter, I kept asking her if there is anything she want. She kept saying no.
This world is too complicated for me. I used to believe everybody is similar. No matter how you look, how you dress, how you behave, everybody deep in the heart is the same. I used to believe marriage completely in a different way from what I experienced. But now, I still cannot believe how can there will be completely two different types of person. One type of person who is so thankful for every little thing they get. The other type of person who is always hateful no matter what they have.

The first time when I took care of my daughter all by myself. My brother called me and said it is completely unfair for me. He rarely calls me. I told him that it is fine, since it might be the happiest time in my life, since at least I have my kid with me. After struggling many years abroad, I have a jobs and bought a house trying to settle down. If someone wants to leave me, it is out of my control. It turns out to be true when I look back.
I am far from a perfect person. I have many many problems with myself and I did handle many many things in a wrong way. There were things that I could do in a better way. But I never expect a 40 year birthday in such a way.
tlet 发表于 4/20/2018 6:52:25 PM
撇开你老婆不说,只说 Everybody deep down is the same, 这种Believe 即偏执又天真。不知道你做什么的,打个比方,码工的活儿,你看你代码,truly believe 啥啥都该Work, 但是死不Work,咋办?查bug呗。你怎么Believe 都没事,没人管你,但是事实是事实,不会为你而改变。成年人,你应该学会根据经验重新认识社会,你这种人人都负我的架势可真吓人。

而且,你的话来来回回的说,其实,你和老婆都互相恨成这样了,除了互相抓花脸,还坚持着有什么意义么?你想大家都同情你,然后呢,把她踩脚底下几年,你就解气了?人家又不傻,过不下去就走人了呗,你也解不了什么气。与其你在这里一遍遍加深你的痛苦,干嘛不Move on, 离婚,放彼此一条生路。

你和老婆在这个婚姻里各有对错,不是谁更痛苦谁错就小,你的很多痛苦,是你自己造成的。
斜月三星之...哪里?
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102#

看完好难过,好像没啥大不了的矛盾,有什么事和气的商量下,忍一时风平浪静,退一步海阔天空,一家人好好过算了,人生苦短,折腾来折腾去没啥意思。
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103#

撇开你老婆不说,只说 Everybody deep down is the same, 这种Believe 即偏执又天真。不知道你做什么的,打个比方,码工的活儿,你看你代码,truly believe 啥啥都该Work, 但是死不Work,咋办?查bug呗。你怎么Believe 都没事,没人管你,但是事实是事实,不会为你而改变。成年人,你应该学会根据经验重新认识社会,你这种人人都负我的架势可真吓人。

而且,你的话来来回回的说,其实,你和老婆都互相恨成这样了,除了互相抓花脸,还坚持着有什么意义么?你想大家都同情你,然后呢,把她踩脚底下几年,你就解气了?人家又不傻,过不下去就走人了呗,你也解不了什么气。与其你在这里一遍遍加深你的痛苦,干嘛不Move on, 离婚,放彼此一条生路。

你和老婆在这个婚姻里各有对错,不是谁更痛苦谁错就小,你的很多痛苦,是你自己造成的。


卡多司基 发表于 4/20/2018 7:15:25 PM

这个妹妹说得很对,生活中人和人差得大了。这个男人有点情绪化理想化的思维,碰到对的人,还能浪漫一把,碰到错的人就只能怀疑人生depressed了。他们的节无解,女方至始至终不爱男方,男方现在也不爱女方,又都没有勇气离婚。女方可能尝试了走出去,可惜没有机会翻身,守着身边这个又觉得不幸福,所以百般地作;男方没有勇气自立,这个男人的自我价值不是来自于对自己的认可,而是来自于别人对自己的依赖和自己对别人的付出,在心理学上有个专门的词叫codependnce, 男方如果能够意识到自己人格的独立,可能还能幸福一把,一般的人遇到这种情况早离了,他还能叽歪怀疑人生然后继续包揽家务舔着伤口自己感动自己,也算是奇葩。
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104#

这个妹妹说得很对,生活中人和人差得大了。这个男人有点情绪化理想化的思维,碰到对的人,还能浪漫一把,碰到错的人就只能怀疑人生depressed了。他们的节无解,女方至始至终不爱男方,男方现在也不爱女方,又都没有勇气离婚。女方可能尝试了走出去,可惜没有机会翻身,守着身边这个又觉得不幸福,所以百般地作;男方没有勇气自立,这个男人的自我价值不是来自于对自己的认可,而是来自于别人对自己的依赖和自己对别人的付出,在心理学上有个专门的词叫codependnce, 男方如果能够意识到自己人格的独立,可能还能幸福一把,一般的人遇到这种情况早离了,他还能叽歪怀疑人生然后继续包揽家务舔着伤口自己感动自己,也算是奇葩。

cocaok 发表于 4/20/2018 10:22:43 PM

这个是我的账号,我却不能把帖子删了,请版主帮忙。
最后编辑tlet 最后编辑于 2018-06-05 20:10:19
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